The other day I got caught up in a wacky TV
show dealing with relationships. (Who
woulda thunkt it, huh?) The two guy
hosts were talking to female celebrity guests about relationship “must have” lists
and “deal breakers”. One woman who has
her own TV show and does relationship coaching has been married 4 times, with
three divorces. She feels this is not as
bad as it looks as she married the same guy twice. She feels her FAILED relationships give her
wisdom to guide other women in their relationships. She had a very long list of relationship “deal
breakers”. Some to me appeared fickle, not
all were bad.
Another female guest struck me as fickle right from the
start. She had a list of requirements
for her ideal mate that was a mile long.
I was thinking; “good luck sweetie, this man does not exist”. But, then she told of how she met her husband. He did not have everything on her list but
had all the really big stuff in “spades”, so she put her list away. Her man was studying to be a lawyer. This was on her list. He asked her to marry him. She said "not yet". He kept asking. She kept saying "not yet". Then one day he passed “The Bar” and become a
practicing lawyer. He asked her again to marry him. This time she said "yes". She explained it this way: "I had lifestyle expectations, and I was not
going to commit to a guy not able to succeed".
I was watching this thinking, what a “fruit loop”. If I were that man I would have been turned
off by this woman thinking that her love for me was “performance based”. I would always fear she would leave me if I
was not able to sustain her lifestyle. I
would have felt far more in love with a woman that would demonstrate her faith
in me and committing BEFORE I was successful.
Anyway, that is just me.
But then, with one sentence this “fruit loop” completely caught
me off guard. Not what I was expecting. One of the hosts asked her, “so, what are
your “deal breakers”? Without missing a beat she answered. “None, I have no deal breakers, I am now married,
there are no deal breakers for me”. Wow,
was not expecting that.
Now really, I do not think this woman had absolutely NO deal
breakers at all. I can think of several
behaviors that would be “deal breakers” for any woman. BUT, what she was really saying is that she
and her husband would not allow deal breakers in their marriage to exist and
that no matter what happened they would work it out, that they were committed to
working through the issues. I was so
surprised by her answer to this question.
At first she looked so fickle, and with one sentence revealed the value
she placed on her commitment in marriage. Now I am thinking, “this is a woman every guy should be
lucky enough to get”.
