I often hear that if you don't trust someone you should not be with them. That is pure NUTS ! This works for folks that are just starting to date, but is really bad advice to someone with a life invested, a mortgage, and kids. You may have had implicit trust at the beginning, but something has changed. Life stress, distance between you, the proverbial "we just grew apart" nonsense. Trust requires attention. It must be demonstrated.
Trust requires transparency and openness. It requires that one not lock ANY part of their life away. Your spouse may not know WHAT you have hidden, or IF you have anything hidden, but if you have locked things away with passwords, deleted files or phone logs. he or she will subconsciously be uneasy. Trust is something that must always be demonstrated, continually. Your level of intimacy will NEVER be more than your level of trust.
As a mentor many years ago told me: " being "trust" worthy is of little value IF you do not APPEAR to be "trust" worthy. Live an open life with your spouse. No locked doors, no secrets. Answer every question in truth and without irritability until your partner is secure as many times as it takes. Your relationship is only as secure as the least secure person in it. Leave no room to doubt where your heart and commitment lie.
