Sea Otters Teach Us How To Love

What sea otters can teach us about how to do relationships. Did you know that sea otters sleep floating on their backs.... AND THEY HOLD HANDS so they don't drift apart.

Life can pummel us with many strong winds and heavy waves. Drifting apart happens slowly at first.... then further ..... until there is no easy way back.

We need to be ready for the potential drift and "hold hands" by design to not be caught off guard by the inevitable.

Teamwork Makes The Dream Work

We all want that marriage, that relationship, that one we dreamed of long before we knew what reality does to dreams. Maybe, you had dreams of

the future and then wondered why things just didn't work out that way. This can be very depressing ...UNTIL ... you one day realize that the dream you had at the beginning is gone.... but reality you now have far surpassed anything you could have dreamed of going in.

From of the reality of living, you discover that your happiness is irrevocably linked to your spouse's happiness. You will NEVER be happy with a spouse that is not.

Learning to communicate your needs is equally important to learning how to communicate your desire to meet your spouse’s needs. If this has not been the habit in your relationship it can be hard to start. But.... start you must... slowly at first .... carefully...

"Teamwork" is not possible without effective communication .... which requires effective listening,  AND then, it requires effective ACTION that moves you both to the desired outcome..

Affairs Can Happen

  "Affairs can happen in good marriages. Affairs are less about love and more about sliding across boundaries" .......
                                                                               (Dr. Shirley Glass)...
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If you have followed me for any length of time you will know I am a "boundaries" person. Boundaries are the single most vital element to our very existence. Loosen the boundaries and everything falls apart. Our marriages and relationships are no different.

According to Shirley Glass and numerous other studies. .. between 60% and 82% of all affairs (are not planned, but still) happen in the workplace.  We would never leave our homes unlocked when we are away. We would not leave our cars unlocked when parked downtown. .... yet we leave our most valuable relationships unlocked when we walk out the door... because??.

Locking our doors is not an act of distrust as much as it is an act to protect that which is valuable to you.

Most couples have loose boundaries because they feel doing otherwise shows a lack of trust in their partner. They consider it a restriction on their partner's "freedom" which will translate into a restriction on THEIR freedom. Sometimes the lack of effective boundaries is not seeing the need for them.... yet!. Many times a lack of effective boundaries is just not knowing where the "fences" are required.

Where we draw boundaries around ALL our relationships is critical to how strong and healthy our primary relationship can and will be. This is all the more important with people we are intimately involved with for more waking hours each day than we are with our spouses.

The danger is clearly real. Where to draw the line, it appears not quite as clear to many.