Affairs Can Happen

  "Affairs can happen in good marriages. Affairs are less about love and more about sliding across boundaries" .......
                                                                               (Dr. Shirley Glass)...
_______________________________________________________


If you have followed me for any length of time you will know I am a "boundaries" person. Boundaries are the single most vital element to our very existence. Loosen the boundaries and everything falls apart. Our marriages and relationships are no different.

According to Shirley Glass and numerous other studies. .. between 60% and 82% of all affairs (are not planned, but still) happen in the workplace.  We would never leave our homes unlocked when we are away. We would not leave our cars unlocked when parked downtown. .... yet we leave our most valuable relationships unlocked when we walk out the door... because??.

Locking our doors is not an act of distrust as much as it is an act to protect that which is valuable to you.

Most couples have loose boundaries because they feel doing otherwise shows a lack of trust in their partner. They consider it a restriction on their partner's "freedom" which will translate into a restriction on THEIR freedom. Sometimes the lack of effective boundaries is not seeing the need for them.... yet!. Many times a lack of effective boundaries is just not knowing where the "fences" are required.

Where we draw boundaries around ALL our relationships is critical to how strong and healthy our primary relationship can and will be. This is all the more important with people we are intimately involved with for more waking hours each day than we are with our spouses.

The danger is clearly real. Where to draw the line, it appears not quite as clear to many.