Never Change Anything For A Man???

 I have rarely heard a man say it, but I constantly hear women repeating the above phrase until it echos in my head.

"A man should love me the way I am". "It's my hair, I will wear it as I please, he has no say in it". "It's my body, I'll wear what I want". "If he has a problem with anything I do that is HIS problem. He will just have to learn how to deal with it".  Any of this have a familiar ring?

Committed relationships are far more than physical appearance .... but it is delusion to think the physical is irrelevant.  In fact it is insanity.

But.... to all the women who say they should NEVER change anything about themselves FOR A MAN, I say.... you are living in an alternate reality!  How MANY relationships would survive if we told men "you don't EVER have to change ANYTHING for a woman"?  "You do what makes YOU feel good"?  Now I understand why the relationship failure rate is all but guaranteed.

 Many years ago when I was first married .... in the early days .... before calendars, I sported a rather dapper mustache. I had that for over ten years. I thought it made me look quite distinguished.

One day, (after 4 kids) I leaned in for a kiss and my wife pulled back and went "ewwh". I said, "what's the matter, you don't like my mustache"? "NO !" she says, "I hate it" . I said, "what"? "After 10 years this is the first I am hearing if it"? (I then wondered what other "secrets" she was keeping from me.)  That night I shaved it off. I was then, clean shaven for the next 20 years.

A little over a year ago I got lazy and didn't feel like shaving. It appears my facial hair is grey now. One day, as I was getting ready to clean it up, my wife says, " don't shave it off". "I kinda like the 'professor look". So.... as you can tell by my profile picture ... I still have it. I get a LOT of face touching these days that I never used to get ... so I am keeping it for sure.

I have a wardrobe my wife picks for me.  She buys all my clothes and almost always vetos my choices.  When I see something I want to buy, she says, "YOU don't want that one," "YOU want this one, don't you think"?  When i tell her I am going out to buy a new pair of jeans she says; "no your not.. you can't buy jeans by yourself... wait for me to go with you". Should I be upset she wants to be there when I get new jeans?  When we are going out I ask her what she wants me to wear.  We usually try to co-ordinate.

My goal in life is to make this woman not just love me.... she will do that anyway... I want her to like me too. The name of the game is "Maximum Attraction"..... and that is what I go for.

Lately she has been jokingly commenting on my expanding "tummy line". I am not sure exactly how yet, but I am going to do something about that.  First, it is not healthy for me.  Second, I know it will make me more attractive to her. So am I doing it for her, or for me?

When you realize that what you do for your "Significant Other" .... IS .... doing it for YOU, you are on your way to a better relationship that will ultimately be your happiness in life.

No matter how hard you try, no person can be truly happy if their relationship sucks.  Instead of focusing on what you don't have to do, choose to focus on what you CAN do.

Love Is Not Only For The Young

 I sat soul-fully in my wheel chair; not thinking about anything special when I noticed a person in a wheel chair at the door. The next time I saw him he was in closer view. I gestured an approval when he pretended to play a guitar.  I was unusually attracted to him.  He seemed so young to be in a nursing home.  I could not get my mind off of him.  He had the most penetrating eyes and so handsome.

The next day he was in his wheel chair at a table off to the corner of the dining room.  I could not resist approaching him. I introduced myself and reached out my hand, but it wasn’t a normal handshake.  We held on.   “I like you a lot”, and he said more,  but I couldn’t hear it all, so I said, “I am hard of hearing”.  I could be conversant, but I was never sure of his words.

One evening, after dinner, I found Rick by the refrigerator. He said, ”did you hear me call your name?”  We held hands and his smile was so winsome. 

The next day was his 67^th birthday and his sister and her husband came with balloons and cake. They motioned for me to come to their table where Rick was, so polite, always ready to share.  I liked the sister very much too.

Word was circulating that we were a couple.  The head nurse assured me that a relationship  was acceptable.  “Will the residents object and gossip” I asked?” 

“Just trust your judgment and be natural”, she said.  “Relationships do happen in senior homes.”

I went to his room early one evening.  He was in bed.  Rick’s sister told me he fell and broke his hip and was convalescing from the replacement surgery.  I pulled up alongside his bed and said, “I love you.   I can’t understand it but I do.”  Rick answered with, “I love you too!”  I stood up and leaned over the bed to kiss him. I couldn’t reach, so for three weeks we were ever trying in our wheel chairs, sometimes with great effort.

It was love, for love is ageless; when in older years.  How else could Rick at 67 love a 93 year old?  All the magic of youthful love was present for both of us.  One time Rick said, “I’ll put my arm up level with the arm chair and you can hold my arm.”

We were oblivious to the other residents. We would start out by holding hands, when the fervor of our passion would overtake us.  Because I was the only one who could stand, I would lean over his wheelchair and we would both try to connect on the lips.

It was usually on the forehead, and quite often the elegance of a kiss on the hand when all else failed.

One day I leaned over and placed a kiss on his cheek.  “I love you”, we both said.  The head nurse was behind me…..“Be careful Donna, you nearly tipped over.”  I had to kiss Rick, for I loved him as I had never loved anyone before.  It was so sudden, so spontaneous, and so mutual.  It was the most beautiful three weeks. 

Rick was taken to the hospital the next morning where he passed away at 2AM.

A nurse came in and told me in the morning. 

I have beautiful memories of a pre-Christmas three week romance of 2018; combined with ongoing moments of sadness.

Donna Bishop

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Published with permission of the author.