Spitful Words and Silence

 SPITEFUL WORDS can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart (or more accurately breaks your spirit) . When I was a child I heard more than once: " sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me". I have often wondered over the years what idiot came up with that little ditty, and then taught it to their children?

Words are powerful. In fact words are more powerful than the largest standing army in the world, or the most powerful nuclear weapon mankind can devise. Words can start wars, and words can end them. Relationships and marriages can flourish because of them or be so totally destroyed, that not even the memories of them are left.

But even more powerful than words is silence. Silence between two people who gave their lives into each others care can be more devastating than even harsh words. Silence is abandonment. Silence is withdrawal from your commitment to each other. Silence is saying I am hurt, your feelings do not matter.

Anyone who has ever been in any relationship for any length of time knows the feeling of a sudden hurt by what was said, not said, done or not done, followed by the overwhelming desire to withdraw from the pain and just cut off the source of until you can heal and then deal with it. Sometimes this happens quickly, sometimes not. If it is allowed to go on for long it becomes even harder to come back from. If allowed it will become a way of life you know every day. No relationship will survive constant silent periods chained together with nothing but bursts of hope inserted here and there.

My wife and I will soon be celebrating our 45th anniversary. When I was younger I remember times when I would subject my wife to the "silent treatment". I was hurting and overwhelmed. I thought it was my battle, and that it did not affect her. Now in later years I realize how hurtful that was. It still happens now and again. We too are still working on this "relationship thing". However, these days I am wise enough to deal with it right away (at least I think I am). When I feel overcome with the inability to address an issue that is bothering me I just let her know we are ok, and we will talk about it soon. I stay in the moment putting my feelings aside. No more sabotaging social occasions or other activities because of it. Now I have grown to know this will not impact our commitment or love.... it will pass..... we will be OK.