At first I thought this might be mostly true of young post-millennials. But, on closer inspection this appears to be a plague largely among those who have been in committed monogamous relationships for many years. It appears that routine, boredom, and the need for variety kicks in after years of the same old daily monotony. Most of the interviews I watched were with couples who said they never thought of their current lifestyle as an option when they married.
I was not yet 22 on my wedding day. I was not yet 24 when I became a father. I was working full time while trying to complete my education. Over the years there would be four children to parent and provide for. With only a short period that was the exception, we made it a point to always reserve Friday nights as our "date night". It was our "alone time". Sometimes, when the kids were young it was "alone time" with kids in the back seat. Saturday was always to take care of domestic chores like shopping and repairs to cars and the house. Sunday was always family day. I worked very hard never to allow work to intrude on my Friday nights or Sundays.
As I look back I wonder how I had the time to work and look after a family. The thought of finding time to spend with someone else never occurred to me. I had trouble just finding time for my family as it was. One emotional entanglement was all I could manage. Spending time, energy, AND MONEY on multiple physical or emotional relationships was unthinkable. When you are doing it right, there is no time or resources to divide among many.
If you have time and resources to spend on multiple relationships ...know this... you are stealing that time and those resources that belong to your spouse and children.
Every marriage counselor whose advice I have read all say the same thing. Couples who do not spend time alone with each other doing enjoyable things regularly WILL grow apart, given time. What nonsense is it to share all the stress of raising a family, running a household and paying the mortgage, and THEN invest your "fun" times with someone else? No wonder you need "someone else" to complete your life. You have chosen not to invest your time, energy and devotion to the one you promised it to.
We all crave novelty, excitement and adventure. Why do we assume that is not possible with the same person? If you think you have time and energy for adventure elsewhere, imagine the life you could have if you invested it where the dividends are greatest.
______________________________________________________
No comments:
Post a Comment