If Only Guys Knew Women Are Like Cars

GUYS... This one is for you. And ladies...feel free to share with your men. This is another "car / relationship" analogy. It seems that most men relate very well to these so here goes again.

Women will look at this photo and take a minute to process what they are looking at.  Most guys will take 1 split second to feel a sense of panic before they realize... "oh... not my car".

When you are in a relationship that you care about (or in one YOU SHOULD care about ) it is vital to keep your ears and eyes open for signs all is not well. Most guys would never allow their car to come to the point where multiple "trouble" lights come on. This is especially true when most of the trouble can be avoided with just routine care and attention.

Most men that I know are so in tune with their cars to the degree that the most minute variable in sound while driving, or the slightest pulling to one side when you take your hand of the wheel is reason for concern. They know how the car should respond to any given pressure on the gas peddle.  Men and their cars are one. They operate as a single unit. The vehicle is just an extension of themselves both in appearance and in performance.

However, it is much more difficult for a man to see himself and the woman he is in a relationship with as one unit.  It appears that things can veer a long way from where they should be before they may notice.

If you neglect your car long enough you will one day wake up to realize it is "unfixable".  Or at the least that you are no longer prepared to pay the price required to restore what needs to be restored.  You will feel relief to finally get rid of what you once loved and start fresh with a newer, younger model..... only to repeat the experience again.

Do not let your relationship with your woman become the story of you and your many cars. There are some things a woman in your life can do for you that no car ever will.
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© Herald's Corner 2016 

Guys! If You Can't Remember A lot of Moves.....

Divorce Your Marriage and Not Your Spouse

IF THINGS ARE  so bad you just don't think you can stand another day don't make the mistake of thinking a divorce will solve your problems. Divorce will not take the stress out of your life or give you a completely "clean" start; IT JUST WON'T. The new baggage you will create will be yours for life. 

Here is what may work though: DIVORCE YOUR MARRIAGE AND NOT YOUR SPOUSE.

I hear from couples almost every day who are, thinking about divorce, in the process of a divorce, recovering from the years of stress caused by a divorce, and from children who have never recovered from their parent's divorce. I have said it before and will say it again: "I believe ALL marriages CAN be saved but not all marriages SHOULD be saved". You must know the difference before you make a life changing decision for yourself, your children, and other family members. Unless you or your children are in danger, suffering emotional and/or physical abuse please give some serious thought to divorcing your marriage before divorcing your spouse.

Before my inbox fills up with folks telling me why there are so many other reasons why a divorce is the only option let me say I get all that. Relationships are complex, and there are times when boundaries are crossed and there is no going back. I get that! I am just saying stop and think when you can be calm and rational. (Don’t make any decisions when you are not.) Divorce may be a justifiable option, but is it the best one for you and the children? Only you can answer that. My point is just to say divorce is not an easy solution. At best you will have a whole new set of baggage to carry forward into all your future relationships.

Divorce (especially when children are involved) is devastating. Unless either of you has huge future earning capability it will take a lifetime to recover financially, most never will. Emotional recovery will also be a long term process. If you thought dealing with an inattentive and cold partner was tough in marriage; just wait 'till you try this in the midst of a divorce.

The real kicker to divorce and starting over is that one or both of you will not have dealt with the issues at the root of your relationship problems. These root issues will silently wait for your next relationship to haunt you again. Even if you are fortunate enough that your next relationship is with so different a person that your old issues are but a distant memory, rest assured you will be trading in for a whole new set of problems that will require a whole new set of coping skills.

The key is to learn how to solve your differences and meet each others needs now instead of with someone new. It is work. It is a learned process, not an undertaking for the inherently selfish. Learning to love on purpose and not by feeling is not easy, but the payoff is enormous. Before dropping the “paper” that will change your life and that of your children forever, why not commit to spending some of that money and energy a divorce will demand of you to have a totally new marriage with the same person you started out with?

Leave your old marriage behind, and make a completely new one…with the same person you fell in love with at the beginning. This path is cheaper, less stressful, and has a “bigger payoff in the end”.

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©  Herald's Corner   http://mrheraldscorner.blogspot.ca/

Image courtesy of smarnad at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Bad Marriages Rob You

THE SATISFACTION that you have in life will never exceed the satisfaction that you have in your marriage relationship.

A bad marriage relationship will rob you of the joy from every other good thing in your life.

A good marriage will give you the strength, the drive, and the clear unencumbered focus of mind that will allow you to get life done, and done well.

We put so much energy, focus, commitment into so many areas of our daily living because we think that this is what is required of us, and that this will build a successful life.  BUT, the priority is wrong.  Yes we all need to be disciplined and do the things that make a successful life. These things must be attended to. However, forgetting that your marriage is the foundation for everything else in your life is foolish and will make doing "everything else" so much more difficult.

Anyone who has been in any workplace environment knows that to run a successful enterprise there must be constant and regular times when the entire team meet with management / team leaders, either individually or in a group, to discuss expectations and to measure the success of the team in meeting those expectations.  All well run companies provide employees at all levels with regular annual, semiannual or quarterly reviews.  Management will provide more frequent feedback when things are not going well. Their intent is not to make life more difficult but to bring about a higher level of satisfaction for all parties involved while at the same time meeting the enterprise goals.

Why is it we feel that the greatest enterprise of our lives can survive and function well without constant communication and course correction along the way?  Why do we feel that ensuring the "satisfaction" of all parties is not a priority in marriage?  Why is it so hard to sit down at least once a week and ask: "how are we doing this week, are we ok?

I very often hear from folks in the middle of yet another, yet again ongoing crisis. The common refrain is "I have tried everything and I just don't know what else to do". There sometimes seems to be a disconnect between doing the same thing a hundred times and doing what is required to resolve the issue and bring full healing to both parties.

There are a million (at least) resources out there to address relationship issues of every kind; from parenting styles to sexual intimacies and everything in between.  Most of it is garbage.  To find the stuff that will work for you stay away from voices that want to teach you how to decide "if you should stay or if you should go".  Stay away from voices that tell you that YOUR happiness must be considered first.  Stay away from voices that tell you to strip your life of anyone or anything that stands in the way of YOUR full potential.  Stay away from voices that tell you all things are temporary and will end.  Stay away from voices that tell you that you are in a "new season of your life”.  Stay away from voices that advise you to end a marriage that “no longer serves your needs”.

It is all too easy to see the reasons why you should go and only discover why should have stayed half way through the divorce, or later.  It is all too easy to see how the other person is keeping you from a fulfilled life.  It is all too easy.  The instinctive urge to run and look for "greener pastures" is all too present.  There is not a one of us that has not had to deal with that urge.  To fix something broken requires time and hard work.  All too often it is easier to sweep up the pieces, throw them into the trash bin of life and replace it with a new one.  

Instead of entertaining the urge to run, and fantasizing about a new life without your spouse in it start to look for, acquire, and develop in you new relationship skills, new understanding of how relationships work, new tools for your relationship “tool box”.  I have never once in my life been able to fix anything that was broken without tools and acquired skill of some sort.  Broken relationships are no exception.  If you do not have the tools you need, find them, and learn the skills needed to use them.  Seek help if you do not think you can do it alone.     

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©  2016 Herald's Corner   http://mrheraldscorner.blogspot.ca/

In Every Circumstance You Have The Power

Good fighting .... Bad Fighting !

 Not all arguing is equal  ...

I observe so many couples that get caught up in arguments that go on and on, never resolving issues, and then they wonder why their relationships are so hard. There is a way to argue that resolves issues and makes happiness possible. There is also a way to argue that will tear each other down and then destroy the relationship.

When arguing, be careful to always "act", not "react". Once your words are spoken they can never be taken back. Being honest does not have to be harsh or critical. If you feel a lethal verbal missile is about to launch from between your lips, close your mouth instead and take a deep breath. In the end forgiveness and choosing to love actively is the balm that heals every wound.

I know.... easy to say, very hard to do. But, again this is one of those things that becomes second nature with practice.