THE SATISFACTION that you have in
life will never exceed the satisfaction that you have in your marriage relationship.
A bad marriage relationship will
rob you of the joy from every other good thing in your life.
A good marriage will give you the
strength, the drive, and the clear unencumbered focus of mind that will allow
you to get life done, and done well.
We put so much energy, focus,
commitment into so many areas of our daily living because we think that this is
what is required of us, and that this will build a successful life. BUT, the priority is wrong. Yes we all need to be disciplined and do the
things that make a successful life. These things must be attended to. However,
forgetting that your marriage is the foundation for everything else in your
life is foolish and will make doing "everything else" so much more
difficult.
Anyone who has been in any
workplace environment knows that to run a successful enterprise there must be
constant and regular times when the entire team meet with management / team
leaders, either individually or in a group, to discuss expectations and to
measure the success of the team in meeting those expectations. All well run companies provide employees at
all levels with regular annual, semiannual or quarterly reviews. Management will provide more frequent feedback
when things are not going well. Their intent is not to make life more difficult
but to bring about a higher level of satisfaction for all parties involved while
at the same time meeting the enterprise goals.
Why is it we feel that the greatest enterprise of our lives can survive and function well without constant communication and course correction along the way? Why do we feel that ensuring the "satisfaction" of all parties is not a priority in marriage? Why is it so hard to sit down at least once a week and ask: "how are we doing this week, are we ok?
I very often hear from folks in
the middle of yet another, yet again ongoing crisis. The common refrain is
"I have tried everything and I just don't know what else to do".
There sometimes seems to be a disconnect between doing the same thing a hundred
times and doing what is required to resolve the issue and bring full healing to
both parties.
There are a million (at least)
resources out there to address relationship issues of every kind; from
parenting styles to sexual intimacies and everything in between. Most of it is garbage. To find the stuff that will work for you stay
away from voices that want to teach you how to decide "if you should stay
or if you should go". Stay away
from voices that tell you that YOUR happiness must be considered first. Stay away from voices that tell you to strip
your life of anyone or anything that stands in the way of YOUR full potential. Stay away from voices that tell you all things
are temporary and will end. Stay away
from voices that tell you that you are in a "new season of your life”. Stay away from voices that advise you to end a
marriage that “no longer serves your needs”.
It is all too easy to see the
reasons why you should go and only discover why should have stayed half way
through the divorce, or later. It is all
too easy to see how the other person is keeping you from a fulfilled life. It is all too easy. The instinctive urge to run and look for
"greener pastures" is all too present. There is not a one of us that has not had to
deal with that urge. To fix something
broken requires time and hard work. All
too often it is easier to sweep up the pieces, throw them into the trash bin of
life and replace it with a new one.
Instead of entertaining the urge
to run, and fantasizing about a new life without your spouse in it start to
look for, acquire, and develop in you new relationship skills, new understanding
of how relationships work, new tools for your relationship “tool box”. I have never once in my life been able to fix
anything that was broken without tools and acquired skill of some sort. Broken relationships are no exception. If you do not have the tools you need, find
them, and learn the skills needed to use them.
Seek help if you do not think you can do it alone.
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