IF THINGS ARE so
bad you just don't think you can stand another day don't make the mistake of
thinking a divorce will solve your problems. Divorce will not take the stress
out of your life or give you a completely "clean" start; IT JUST
WON'T. The new baggage you will create will be yours for life.
Here is what may work though: DIVORCE YOUR MARRIAGE AND NOT YOUR SPOUSE.
Here is what may work though: DIVORCE YOUR MARRIAGE AND NOT YOUR SPOUSE.
I hear from couples
almost every day who are, thinking about divorce, in the process of a divorce,
recovering from the years of stress caused by a divorce, and from children who
have never recovered from their parent's divorce. I have said it before and
will say it again: "I believe ALL marriages CAN be saved but not all
marriages SHOULD be saved". You must know the difference before you make a
life changing decision for yourself, your children, and other family members.
Unless you or your children are in danger, suffering emotional and/or physical
abuse please give some serious thought to divorcing your marriage before
divorcing your spouse.
Before my inbox
fills up with folks telling me why there are so many other reasons why a
divorce is the only option let me say I get all that. Relationships are
complex, and there are times when boundaries are crossed and there is no going
back. I get that! I am just saying stop and think when you can be calm and
rational. (Don’t make any decisions when you are not.) Divorce may be a
justifiable option, but is it the best one for you and the children? Only you
can answer that. My point is just to say divorce is not an easy solution. At
best you will have a whole new set of baggage to carry forward into all your
future relationships.
Divorce (especially
when children are involved) is devastating. Unless either of you has huge
future earning capability it will take a lifetime to recover financially, most
never will. Emotional recovery will also be a long term process. If you thought
dealing with an inattentive and cold partner was tough in marriage; just wait
'till you try this in the midst of a divorce.
The real kicker to
divorce and starting over is that one or both of you will not have dealt with
the issues at the root of your relationship problems. These root issues will
silently wait for your next relationship to haunt you again. Even if you are
fortunate enough that your next relationship is with so different a person that
your old issues are but a distant memory, rest assured you will be trading in
for a whole new set of problems that will require a whole new set of coping
skills.
The key is to learn
how to solve your differences and meet each others needs now instead of with
someone new. It is work. It is a learned process, not an undertaking for the
inherently selfish. Learning to love on purpose and not by feeling is not easy,
but the payoff is enormous. Before dropping the “paper” that will change your
life and that of your children forever, why not commit to spending some of that
money and energy a divorce will demand of you to have a totally new marriage
with the same person you started out with?
Leave your old
marriage behind, and make a completely new one…with the same person you fell in
love with at the beginning. This path is cheaper, less stressful, and has a
“bigger payoff in the end”.
__________________________________________________Image courtesy of smarnad at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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